March Guidance Lesson (Grade 1): The Difference Between Tattling and Telling

During our March guidance lesson, first grade students learned the difference between tattling and telling. We read the book Don’t Squeal Unless It’s a Big Deal: A Tale of Tattletales by Jeanie Franz Ransom, followed by a review of problem solving strategies, and role-playing.

“Tattling” is when children complain to an adult about another child’s actions. There are many reasons why children tattle, including to get attention, to try to get someone else in trouble, to make themselves look good, to prove they know the rules, and to get an adult to resolve their problem.

During this month’s guidance lesson, students learned that it is never tattling if they or someone else is hurt, is in danger, or if they are scared. This includes being bullied. During situations such as these, children must tell an adult and ask for help.

Students also learned that if no one is in danger, hurt or being bullied, then they could try to solve the problem themselves using some of the problem solving strategies they learned in the fall: talking it out, sharing, taking turns, giving an “I feel” message. However, if they try these strategies, and the strategies don’t work, it is okay for children to ask an adult for help. Asking for help is different from tattling on someone to get them in trouble. For example:



Tattling: “Mr. Smith, Jimmy grabbed my marker without even asking me first!”

Asking for help: “Mr. Smith, Jimmy grabbed my marker without asking me first. Can you please help me figure out what I should do now?”

We need to help children develop the ability to discern between a situation they can take care of versus a more urgent, more serious situation that calls for adult assistance. On top of that, children need to develop skills and strategies to resolve problems. These skills are not learned overnight, so it’s important for adults to be patient with children. Rather than scold children when they tattle, ignoring the tattling, or jumping in right away to solve the problem for them, we need to address the tattling by talking with children, helping them develop and practice appropriate problem-solving skills. Developing the skills to try and resolve “kid sized” problems on their own helps children develop a sense of independence and confidence. Knowing that they can always ask an adult for help, even when they’re uncertain about whether they should tell or not, helps children feel reassured and safe.