March Guidance Lesson (Grade 2): Dealing with Peer Pressure

This month’s guidance lesson focused on the desire to fit in. A sense of belonging is very important to children. Each child wants to feel that she or he is a part of some social group. This month students heard a story about a boy who reluctantly does things he doesn’t feeling comfortable doing in order to fit in. In the book Sorry by Trudy Ludwig, Jack follows his friend Charlie in a series of mischievous activities in order to “fit in. Charlie tells Jack that if they get caught, all they have to do is say they’re sorry. Jack soon learns that simply saying “sorry” doesn’t make him feel better about doing unkind things, and certainly doesn’t make the targets of the gestures feel better. Following a discussion of the story, students discussed peer pressure scenarios presented to them. Students had to discuss what would happen if they gave in to the peer pressure, as well as what they could do instead of giving in.

We encourage you to talk to your child about this topic. Give some real-life examples of how you’ve had to go against the crowd before. Discuss how true friends will like you even if you make a choice not exactly like them.

The influence of friends is a powerful force in almost everyone’s life. Children face this pressure from the first time they play with other children. Although the words “fitting in” may conjure up negative images in your mind, your child’s friends can also be very positive influences in the life of your child. By staying involved in your child’s life and keeping the lines of communication open, you can more readily alert him/her to pitfalls, teach and discipline, and help him/her solve problems independently.

March Guidance Lesson (Grade 1): The Difference Between Tattling and Telling

During our March guidance lesson, first grade students learned the difference between tattling and telling. We read the book Don’t Squeal Unless It’s a Big Deal: A Tale of Tattletales by Jeanie Franz Ransom, followed by a review of problem solving strategies, and role-playing.

“Tattling” is when children complain to an adult about another child’s actions. There are many reasons why children tattle, including to get attention, to try to get someone else in trouble, to make themselves look good, to prove they know the rules, and to get an adult to resolve their problem.

During this month’s guidance lesson, students learned that it is never tattling if they or someone else is hurt, is in danger, or if they are scared. This includes being bullied. During situations such as these, children must tell an adult and ask for help.

Students also learned that if no one is in danger, hurt or being bullied, then they could try to solve the problem themselves using some of the problem solving strategies they learned in the fall: talking it out, sharing, taking turns, giving an “I feel” message. However, if they try these strategies, and the strategies don’t work, it is okay for children to ask an adult for help. Asking for help is different from tattling on someone to get them in trouble. For example:



Tattling: “Mr. Smith, Jimmy grabbed my marker without even asking me first!”

Asking for help: “Mr. Smith, Jimmy grabbed my marker without asking me first. Can you please help me figure out what I should do now?”

We need to help children develop the ability to discern between a situation they can take care of versus a more urgent, more serious situation that calls for adult assistance. On top of that, children need to develop skills and strategies to resolve problems. These skills are not learned overnight, so it’s important for adults to be patient with children. Rather than scold children when they tattle, ignoring the tattling, or jumping in right away to solve the problem for them, we need to address the tattling by talking with children, helping them develop and practice appropriate problem-solving skills. Developing the skills to try and resolve “kid sized” problems on their own helps children develop a sense of independence and confidence. Knowing that they can always ask an adult for help, even when they’re uncertain about whether they should tell or not, helps children feel reassured and safe.

Separation Anxiety

Though we often see separation anxiety in some children at the start of the school year, separation anxiety can actually show up any time of year. If your child has been having a rough time separating from you and coming to school, please read past Smooth Sailing blog article Using Teamwork to Ease a Child's Separation Issues by Anne LaBossiere.

An additional resource is the following article by the AACAP:

Children Who Won't Go To School (Separation Anxiety)

February Guidance Lesson (Kindergarten): Friendship

During February we taught a lesson on Friendship in all Kindergarten classrooms. We discussed why we needs, and what good friends do. We then read the book A Book of Friends by Dave Ross, and discussed the many places we can make friends: In the classroom, at recess, on the bus, at the beach, at the park, at the playground, at the pool, to name a few. Each student then drew a picture of himself/herself making a friend somewhere. It was fun to see all the many place the kindergarten students have made a friend!

February Guidance Lessons (Grades 1 & 2): Bully Prevention

During the month of February, first and second grade students learned how to recognize and deal with bullying behaviors. We read the book Nobody Knew What To Do: A Story About Bullying by Becky Rae McCain in first grade classrooms, and the book Just Kidding by Trudy Ludwig in second grade classrooms.

We explained to the students that bullying is when someone unfairly hurts you over and over. Students learned about three types of bullying:

Muscle bullying: Is when people use their bodies to hurt you (e.g. hitting, punching, kicking, pushing, as well as breaking property).

Mouth bullying: Is when people use their words to hurt you (e.g. teasing, taunting, name-calling).

Friend snatcher bullying: Is when people hurt your friendships with others (e.g. telling a friend that she can’t play with anyone else, or telling other kids not to play with you anymore).

Students learned that a "one time" tease, or a "one time" shove is never acceptable behavior, but it is not bullying if it only happens one time, and never happens again. It becomes bullying behavior when a person continues to hurt you with words or their body (or intentionally hurts your friendships), even after the person is asked to stop the first time.

Students learned that there is only one appropriate way to deal with a bully or bullying behavior, and that is to TELL. We discussed the difference between tattling and telling. “Tattling” is talking to a grown-up just to get someone else in trouble or to get your own way. “Telling” is talking to a grown-up about a problem because you or someone else may be hurt or in danger.

Listen to your child if she or he is reporting bullying to you. Resist the temptation to tell your child to “just ignore” the bully or ask, “Well, what did you do to them first?”

When your child reports something to you, it is important that you encourage him or her to tell an adult at school. The school can only deal with it if we are aware of it. Of course, parents may also call to tell us about it, too.

January Classroom Guidance Lessons: Respecting Differences

"Respecting Differences" was the topic for our first and second grade guidance lessons in January. In first grade classrooms we read the book What I Like About Me! by Allia Zobel Nolan. What I Like About Me! is about respecting and appreciating the many differences we may have, from interests, to abilities, to hair color, to size, to the food we like, and more. Each first grader then created a stick puppet of him/herself. We all admired the uniqueness of all the different puppets. After completing their puppets, students played in groups of two or three, using their puppets to practice respectful friend behavior.

For our second grade guidance lesson, students viewed a video called Respecting Differences (A Sunburst video), which is also about respecting and appreciating the many differences we have, including different abilities, different interests, and different cultures. Students then did an activity with the other classmates at their table in order to find out what likes, dislikes, abilities and interests they have in common, and which are differences. Emphasis was put on respecting the differences we might discover among classmates, as well as learning something new about each other, whether it's a similarity or a difference.

As a follow-up resource for parents, here's a great article to check out: Precious Children: Teaching Young Children to Resist Bias.

Fall First and Second Grade Classroom Guidance Lessons

September: Making Connections

September is also when we began teaching monthly guidance lessons in every first and second grade classroom. During our September guidance lessons, we introduced (or re-introduced) ourselves to students and reviewed what the school counselors do at Lunt (such as teach classroom guidance lessons, lead small groups for students, help individual students). Afterward, students learned about “making connections” – finding common interests with other kids. This is a simple but important skill that students can utilize when trying to make new friends, whether in the classroom, on the playground, after school program, or neighborhood. We ended the lessons with a fun activity in which students had to find other kids in their class who shared common interests.

October: Problem Solving Strategies (First Grade) and “Thumbs Up” Behaviors (Second Grade)

In October, first grade students learned about the “Problem Solving Pond” and peaceful problem solving strategies, such as sharing, taking turns, using “I feel” messages, talking it out and compromise. All students were given the opportunity to participate in role plays demonstrating each of these problem solving strategies.

Second grade students learned about respectful behaviors, which we also call “thumbs up” behaviors. After we read The Brand New Kid by Katie Couric, students brainstormed all the “thumbs down” behaviors they’ve been noticing in our school that need to be turned into “thumbs up” behaviors. Students then worked in pairs to create posters about “thumbs up” behaviors which were then posted throughout the school to inspire respectful behaviors in others. Students used a lot of thumbs up behaviors while collaborating with their partners on their posters.

As a follow-up resource for parents, here's a good article about teaching children to be respectful by modeling respect: Children and Respect


November: Anger Management Strategies (First Grade) and Problem Solving Strategies (Second Grade).

In November, first grade students learned about anger management strategies. We read the book When Sophie Gets Angry, Very, Very Angry by Molly Bang. Students then brainstormed what Sophie did when she got angry, and what they (students) do when they get angry. We talked about how some things people do when they get angry makes the anger bigger, and some things they do makes the anger smaller. We ended up with a list of only strategies that make anger smaller. Each student then created an “anger plan” – which included an illustrated statement about what they could do to make their anger smaller. Students were also given a copy of the “Anger Rules” to take home:

The Anger Rules

It’s ok to feel angry, but…

• Don’t hurt yourself.
• Don’t hurt others.
• Don’t hurt property, but
• DO talk about it!
  

Second grade students learned about three conflict resolution strategies in November:

1. Ask Questions and Listen.
2. Use your words (this could include using an “I feel” message).
3. Try different ideas (which could include taking turns, sharing, compromise).
   

Students were then given an opportunity to role play these strategies in order to demonstrate how they might be used on the playground, on the bus, in the cafeteria, classroom or at home. Each classroom was given a small poster with these problem solving strategies, and each student was given a copy to take home.

December: Friendship

The December classroom guidance topic for both first and second grade was friendship. First grade students learned about making friends, how to be a good friend, and sharing friends. They each completed a page with the sentence starter “I am a good friend because I….”, and then illustrated their completed sentence. We will put the pages together into a “friendship book” for each class.

Second grade students learned about “Attractor” (positive) and “Repellor” (negative) behaviors, and how these behaviors affect friendships in a positive or negative way. We talked about how we’re responsible for our own behaviors and we need to remember how our choices affect other people, and the way they see us as friends. Students then paired up and played a Bingo-like game using attractor and repellor behavior. A fun but enlightening way to end December!

As a follow-up resource for parents, here's a very interesting article: Having Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends: Relationships as Educational Contexts, which begins:

"Peer relations contribute substantially to both social and cognitive development and to the effectiveness with which we function as adults. Indeed, the single best childhood predictor of adult adaptation is not school grades, and not classroom behavior, but rather, the adequacy with which the child gets along with other children."

This helps explain why we put so much effort into fostering positive friendship/social skills and peer relationships. Click the link above to read the full article.

For a complete list of our first and second classroom guidance curriculum, please click on the appropriate links to the right of this blog.